Okay, you are locked out of the house. Not really sure how you did it, of course – probably should not have taught the dog how to use the deadbolt. That is okay, though. You are a smart person – you can totally figure this out. You just have to use a little bit of common sense.
The spare key! Of course. It’s still under the fake rock that you left it under when you moved in. Oh, wait, no it isn’t. You realized that fake rocks are a terrible way to disguise a key. Everyone has one. It isn’t like there are real rocks out there that say “welcome” for no reason.
So, there’s always a window, right? Of course, all the windows on the first floor are locked. You can see the dog mocking you through them. What a jerk. But that’s okay, you can probably get up to that window on the second floor. You could if you climbed that tree in the front yard. You probably could have climbed it when you were in college, anyway. Now? It looks a little…light. Maybe the window isn’t such a good idea. Maybe look into training a ferret to do it? Probably not.
Okay, you know the neighbors have a spare key. That’s golden. Of course, they got to work early. They always get to work early. You hear them blasting polka out of that piece of junk car every morning at five. Nice people, though. You could probably just go into their house and…of course, it’s locked, too. If you could get into locked houses, you could probably skip this entire train of though. Definitely not worth that much effort. Why did you give a spare key to people who work all day? Should have given it to some college kids or something.
No need to panic, you still have an hour. You can probably pick the lock to your house, right? You saw it on television once, and that’s got to be accurate. You just need, like, a hair clip and some tweezers and a screwdriver. You have all of those things! Well, in your house, anyway. You could probably sharpen a stick or something, though. That’s how the cavemen did it when they picked locks. Probably. Okay, so the stick idea isn’t great. Did the dog just turn on the television? It better not order pay-per-view. Not again, anyway.
The garage! Of course! The door in from the garage is always unlocked, you just have to lift the door. You are wearing a suit, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t lift. So what if you have a bad back? You saw that article on the internet where the mom lifted a car off of her baby. This is kind of like that. The garage door is heavier than you remembered, though. Probably shouldn’t have paid for such a good door. Who needs a garage door that is just meant to keep people out? Oh, wait. Everyone. That is who needs that.
That’s when you notice the cellphone in your pocket. While you tried your feats of superhuman endurance and stick-sharpening, you could have just called a Gold Coast locksmith and explained that you were locked out of your house. It is not exactly rocket science, you know. A quick phone call, and you could be lecturing your dog on proper door etiquette. There is absolutely no need to come up with a giant scheme to get back into your own home – just make the phone call, and you can finally get back on with your day. Even if your dog is a jerk.